TBP Open Your Mind

There are some rules of life we were never sat down and taught, they just seem to be picked up along the way.

1. Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas.
2. You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn’t move and should, use WD-40; if it moves and shouldn’t, use the tape.
3. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship “I apologize” and “You are right.”
4. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
5. When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It’s easier to eat crow while it’s still warm.
6. The only really good advice that your mother ever gave you was, “Go! You might meet somebody!”
7. If he/she says that you are too good for him/her, believe them.
8. Learn to pick your battles: Ask yourself, “Will this matter one year from now?” How about one month? One week? One day?”
9. Never pass up an opportunity to pee.
10. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!
11. Living well really is the best revenge. Being miserable because of a bad or former relationship just might mean that the other person was right about you.
12. Work is good, but it’s not that important.
13. Be really nice to your family and friends. You never know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan.
14. Don’t be an idiot.
15. Never trust women who can’t put their lipstick on straight. They are invariably crazy.
16. Know your way home.
17. Don’t talk to yourself.
18. Closets make good sleeping - if you like being sore the next day.
19. If you like the music, dance.
20. You’ll feel better if you throw up.
21. No matter how certain you might be of any given situation, there is invariably another creature who will teach you the meaning of certainty.
22. Never try to take apart a computer with a monkey wrench.
23. Learn to say “Where is the nude beach?” in at least three languages.
24. Do not use your work laptop while eating Coco Wheats.
25. Children do not want clothes for birthday gifts.
26. Running into your wife’s gynecologist at Target is awkward. Somewhat surprisingly, you won’t have much to talk about.
27. He who makes a beast of himself takes away the pain of being a man.
28. If you talk to yourself (see 17), don’t answer in a different voicel; it tends to spook those around you.
29. Don’t hit your own head.
30. Even though it doesn’t appear it to us, everyone considers themself an above average driver.
31. don£t trtry to type stufff whebn yu are reallly”yy drunk….
32 No matter how socially inept you think you are, you’re still a lot more fun to be around than Carrot Top.
33. One good turn gets most of the blankets.
34. One day you can get screwed out of what is rightfully yours, the next day you may become world
reknowned and respected just for being yourself (See Ozzy Osbourne).
35. Carrot sticks and bleu cheese vegetable dip lead to multiple instances of explosive diarrhea.
36. He who hesitates is lost.
37. Schizophrenia means never having to be alone.
38. Everybody needs a good butt kicking now and again.
39. Early bird gets teh worm.
40. Forks fairly fly when you serve corn-saugage pie.
41. Avoid all so-called “vegetarian” options at fast-food burger joints, lest thou be hunched over
for a good portion of the night muttering incoherently about “food poisoning” as your intestines
try to leap up and strangle your stomach, causing the worst cramping possible this side of labor pains.
42. Fart jokes never stop being funny.
43. An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
44. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
45. Have your own sense of style.
46. As with all things, this too shall pass.
47. It’s not so bad because it could always be worse.
48. “Accept.”
49. Pet a dog.
50. It’s a small world after all.
51. Midgets are people too.
52. No great music was ever made on a Flying V guitar.
53. Everything that can possibly happen, will happen.
54. A tongue stud is no excuse not to learn to do it right.
55. Cry once in a while, it’s cathartic. If you need to hide from others to do so, then do, but still cry.
56. Follow it up with a beer/phone call with a friend who laughs a lot.
57. Eat cheese, it is marvelous tasting and, purportedly, scrubs your teeth.
58. When you see a little kid in the store, make a fart noise with your mouth. They laugh every time.
59. Splurge on toilet paper.
60. Lay in the grass and watch the bugs crawl around.
60a. (Optional) Squash them.
61. Positive to positive, negative to negative, ground to ground.
62. Beggers CAN be choosers.
63. Monkeys cheat at monopoly.
64. Chances are, you won’t refill your popcorn.
65. If someone tells you, “You’re dreaming, pal!” kick them in the shin. It’s okay, because after all, it’s a dream.
66. Never rub another man’s rhubarb!
67. Don’t buy live lobsters from Walmart.
68. There’s more than one way to skin a cat. There are more than two ways to serve it.
69. There are 68 things before 69, but of course none of them will be remembered.
70. You will not get rich quick with Amway.
71. First one up gets the paper. And makes the coffee.
72. Cheesy fantasy movies have at least one Queen track in them.
73. Always check to see if there is anyone else in a public bathroom when you enter.
74. If someone else enters, cough to let them know you are there. If not, you may have to listen to something you didn’t intend.
74a. The Sacred Buffer Corollary: When in a public bathroom, never take the urinal/stall directly
adjacent to another user/jockey. When you are the first settler, never take the middle facility.
Respect the Sacred Buffer.
75. Know someone who gives good foot massages.
76. Lyle Lovett is better heard than seen.
77. Even when you know there is nobody there, dark, long hallways are creepy.
78. Never trust a person who has a lugubrious countenance.
79. Never trust a person who has a smirking countenance.
80. Never tie a yellow ribbon round the old guy at the bus stop.
81. You can never teach an old dog new tricks, unless you have a peanut butter filled Kong.
82. A jar full of candy on the desk is a great way to start a new job.

I have always found that if I move with 75 percent or more of the facts, I usually never regret it. It’s the people who wait to have everything perfect that drive you crazy.
– Lee Iacocca

…open your mind, achieve your dreams…

It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed.
– Theodore Roosevelt

…open your mind, achieve your dreams…

It’s raining. No really it is! What do you do when it starts raining? Do you frown and run for cover? Do you mutter under your breath ‘i wish it would stop raining’? Strangely that one doesn’t work (!). Do you skip around with excitement like a young child? Or maybe you ignore it completely and carry on about your business.

All of these reactions are possible, and fairly common. Which do you think would feel the best?

People interpret events differently. The same weather could have people jumping with joy (metaphorically), or hiding away under cover. We all have different filters or beliefs, and these affect the way we see the world, and the way we react to things.

This is particularly important to remember when you are trying to explain something to someone. They may not understand quite what you mean. At this stage you might try explaining it again, maybe by s p e a k i n g s l o w l y, or RAISING YOUR VOICE - but it is unlikely this will make the explanation any clearer to them.

By realising that people view things differently, you could instead explain it a different way. This could be as simple as using less-technical words - they may not be familiar with the jargon or terms you are using.

Another approach is to consider why they want to know. Maybe you could simplify what you are describing (they probably aren’t as keen on the finer details as much as you) they might just want to know what the outcome will be and how long it would take (or cost).

A Big Shot is a Little Shot that kept shooting.

…open your mind, achieve your dreams…

A new clean energy source discovered by a high school student as a weekend science project, impressive. The story appeared in Wired recently.

A 16-year-old high school student has invented a new way of producing electricity by harnessing the brawny power of bacteria.

Kartik Madiraju, an 11th-grader from Montreal, was able to generate about half the voltage of a normal AA battery with a fifth of an ounce of naturally occurring magnetic bacteria. And the bacteria kept pumping current for 48 hours nonstop.

“No one has ever used magnetic bacteria to produce an electrical current before,” Madiraju said.

The experiment is being presented this week at the Intel International Science and Engineering Fair, an über-science geek competition in which the chipmaker annually hands out $4 million in prize money to students. Winners will be announced Friday.

Magnetotactic or magnetic bacteria have extremely small crystals of magnetite inside their bodies. Only discovered in 1975, these aquatic bacteria are quite common and found in fresh water and saltwater around the world.

A bit of a science whiz kid, Madiraju was browsing through the science journal Nature and happened to see something about magnetic bacteria while trying to think of a project to benefit the environment. “I knew that spinning windmills use a magnetic generator to produce electricity and wondered if I got the magnetic bacteria spinning they might generate a current and be a clean, alternative energy source,” he said.

Madiraju put the free-floating bacteria, which are essentially tiny magnets, into plastic boxes less than a fifth of a cubic inch. Metal strips on two sides act as electrodes and get them spinning, generating a magnetic field and an electric current. Current and power were sustained at 25 microamps and 5.5 microwatts, respectively, beyond 48 hours at a resistance of 10 kohms.

“I thought the idea was outlandish originally and was one of the most surprised when it worked the very first time,” said John Sheppard, a professor in the Department of Bioresource Engineering at Montreal’s McGill University.

“I’m optimistic about the practical applications; he’s developed the technology quite a bit just working on weekends,” said Sheppard.

Madiraju envisions clean-running underwater power plants in the developing world. “The latter is long-term of course, but not too far-fetched,” he said.

Micro-energy sources in nanotechnology or biosensors would be easier to do and are more likely uses, said Sheppard, who was Madiraju’s mentor under the strict conditions of two big science contests, the Intel competition and Canada’s Sanofi-Aventis Biotech Challenge. Madiraju has won in various categories previously and on May 10, his magnetic bacteria battery demonstration placed third in the Canadian competition.

Results aside, as a science fair project, inventing a new clean and green source of electricity sure tops the old papier-mâché volcano.

So there you have it. Get some bacteria and spin it around apparently. Have you noticed how many great-sounding discoveries like this are talked about briefly and then disappear never to be heard of again?

I hope a better form of energy comes along soon the way fuel prices are going up!

Previously Nintendo gave us a long line of games consoles from the NES, SNES, GameBoy (and later spinoffs) through to the current N64 and the portable dual screen DS. It is fair to say these names are pretty dull, but safe.

They have tried to be more imaginative with their latest creation, which is due out later this year, and have called it Wii. Yes that’s right, it is pronounced wee. I’m sure companies do lots of research into finding names which are not offensive or have unintended meanings in other languages - something like a games console is an international item after all. So this seems a very unfortunate choice of name by Nintendo.

The console itself is going to join to Xbox 360 vs PS3 battle, and might be the best as it is the latest of the 3 to be released. Of course that depends if people are willing to wait that long. Once people have either a 360 or PS3 they probably won’t need a Wii as well.

Let’s hope they don’t bring out a portable version, the wee-wii ?!

Whilst browsing the internet today i came across this ice cream novelty. Not sure how practical it is but fairly certain you won’t have come across one before!

As the shop website says:
“Load the removable dish with ice cream, push the button and the ice cream turns while you enjoy one of the world’s most popular treats. No more licking around the edges of a drippy cone. Fun for all ages.”

Basically its a plastic ice cream cone with a motor which rotates the ice cream as you lick. If you find it too much effort to rotate the cone in your hand this could be exactly what you need..